I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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