you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
