I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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