I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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