the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
