3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
