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• (303): View more from Colorado

  he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.

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• (408): View more from California

  Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

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• (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it

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• (510): View more from California

  i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?

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