marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
