I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
