you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
