I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's get the cat blown out
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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