I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
