there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
