Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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