You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
