She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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