she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
