you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
