I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
