i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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