he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
