He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
