She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
