I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
