I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is wine microwaveable?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
