I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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