My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
