so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
