I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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