I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
