I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
