I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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