doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
