I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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