dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
