I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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