Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
