I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
