I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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