I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
