i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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