it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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