is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast