My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
