What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.