I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself