i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right