I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.