i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.