on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
