thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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