Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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