just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
