Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We're too hungover to prance.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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