The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
