Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
