hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
