just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
