dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
