I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
