his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
