LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Watching her eat just hurts me
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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