I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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