Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
