there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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