I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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