Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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