I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
