TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
