I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
