I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
