she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
