She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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