you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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