so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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