At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
