Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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