That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
