I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Less talking, more tequila
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
