So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
