Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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