Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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