It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
