Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
